


The Light

by Fandoms2135



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, M/M, Punk Dan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-09
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-07 12:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8801584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandoms2135/pseuds/Fandoms2135
Summary: Dan's the school bad boy.Phil's sunshine.Dan's the dark.Phil's the light.Dan needs the light in his life.





	1. Chapter 1

Daniel Howell groans at the sound of his alarm. 6:40 wasn't his ideal time to wake up for yet another first day of school. It was his last first day of high school though, so another year before freedom wouldn't kill him. He stumbled out of his bed and into a shower. As he let the warm water run over his face, he got lost in his thoughts. His thoughts about actually being happy, not being feared by the school. It would be his last year of being feared. He wasn't going to lie and say he didn't like everyone avoiding him, but sometimes it got lonely. When he was alone, solely alone, was the only time he felt like he could truly be himself. He was halfway through straightening his dark brown fringe when his peace was disturbed.

"It's school, Luc, you have to go!" He heard his mother yell to his younger brother. (I like this name more than I do his actual brothers name.)

"I don't have to do anything!" His younger brother, Lucas, yell back.

Dan sighed. These fights between his parents and brother were becoming the usual, and it was starting to get to him. He finished straightening his fringe before throwing on clothes. Dan figured if he wore all black, nobody would notice him, and it worked for the most part. He grabbed his phone and stepped into the kitchen. Dan hesitated before opening the door, "Bye Mum" he muttered knowing his mother wouldn't hear him over the yelling. And so he was off to another start at another year at school. Dan wasn't a fourth of his way to school when he got so annoyed with the world that he decided to drown it out with music. He was blaring Twenty One Pilots, ignoring the world, whenever something ran into him.

"Watch where you're going, you little bitch" Dan growled turning to see what the mysterious force that had pushed him was.

"Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention" The 'force', a black haired, blue eyed boy who looked to be about the same age as Dan. "I'll try and pay more attention from now on" The boy smiled at Dan and with that he walked away.

Dan stood in the middle of the sidewalk staring at the place where the boy had been. Dan had seen that boy before, he knew he had. He was pretty positive he went to school with him, yet Dan couldn't help to help to think he would have paid more attention if he had seen him. That boy was the most beautiful thing Dan had ever seen. The rest of his walk to school, he tried to remember who that boy was. Dan stopped right in front of the school, hesitating before opening the door. Almost the entire school was in the foyer. Instantly all eyes were on him. Fear was swollen in almost every person's eyes. The room fell silent as they all stared at him, for a minute too frightened to speak. He heard some people whisper things about him to their friends.

"That's Dan Howell" He heard one girl whisper.

"Wait, that's Howell?" Another, a freshman he assumed, asked the older girl next to him.

"Oh my God, he's scarier than he sounds" Another freshman muttered.

Dan shot the entire room a glare, "It's not polite to stare" He said nastily rolling his eyes and walking to find his class

"He's even scarier than Lucas" Someone said once they thought he was out of earshot

"What even is his problem?" Somebody else asked the group

"I've heard he's in a street gang."

"He's always been like this"

"He just hates people"

"He's just mad, because he can't be high while at school"

"Guys, maybe there's something going on in his life, and instead of making rumors about him and thinking he's some kind of monster, you should try being nice to him." Dan turned at those words, not being able to make out who said it.

A laugh erupted from the crowd.

"Yeah, whatever." An older boy yelled.

"Keep dreaming, Phil." A girl yelled

"Lester, that's never going to happen" and on and on the laughter came.

Dan tried to let it not get to him. But it still hurt. He acted like he was fine, but deep inside it hurt like hell. And Dan decided this; This Phil Lester kid, whoever he was, Dan was going to find him, and thank him.

Little did Dan know Phil Lester was the beautiful human from his earlier encounter.

Philip Lester is the kind of kid everybody likes. He's the kind of kid who you can always depend on. The kind you can always talk to. The kind that lights up the school.

Phil wasn't too disappointed when his alarm went off that morning. True, waking up at 7:00 wasn't very pleasant, but getting to see everybody at school was definitely worth it. He hopped out of bed and straight into the shower. Eventually he finally decided to get out of the shower. Phil grabbed a towel, wrapping it around himself, as he walked to his room.

Phil ran a towel through his black fringe, while searching his closet for clothes. When he finally decided on blue jeans and a blue and green plaid shirt, it was almost 7:40. He was suppose to be leaving right now. Phil ran a comb through his still not dry fringe, he threw on shoes, and grabbed his phone running out of his front door. It was almost 7:50 when he stepped out of the door. He had 10 minutes to complete a 20 minute walk. That's why he was running. Phil was running as fast as he could, not paying attention to where he was going, when he ran into someone.

"Watch where you're going, you little bitch" the person said. Phil froze, he knew that voice, that hair. It was Daniel Howell, the schools bad boy.

Phil just smiled as Dan turned around. He knew that Dan might not have the best life, and he might need someone there. "Oh, sorry. I wasn't paying attention" He said simply before going to walk away "I'll try and pay more attention from now on" And with that he walked away.

It was almost 8:05 when he walked into the school. The first bell wouldn't ring until 8:15, so he still had time to find his friends.

"Phil!" Somebody yelled

Phil turned to see his best friend, PJ, running towards him. "PJ!" He yelled back

"Oh my god, I haven't seen you in forever!" His brown haired friend exclaimed, hitting Phil lightly on the shoulder.

"I know! It's been what? Three weeks?" Phil replied sarcastically, fixing his fringe.

PJ laughed "I've got so much to tell you."

The boys talked as they walked around the school. Many people they passed would smile or talk to Phil. He stopped along the way to talk to some freshman, but Phil and PJ finally found their way back to the foyer.

The exact moment they stepped foot on the tile was the same moment the entire room became hushed.

Phil looked around trying to figure out the cause of the sudden silence. That's when he caught sight of a brown fringe. His eyes traveled down Dans body making sure it was him. Between the straightened brown fringe, the black studs, black shirt, and black pants, it was definitely Daniel James Howell.

When people starting whispering about him, that's when pity overtook Phil. Nobody deserved to be talked about the way these kids talked about Dan. Honestly, he wasn't even sure how Dan had became the school bad boy, he just was.

"It's not polite to stare" Phil heard Dan snap before he walked off.

Once Dan was out of earshot, the crowd became rowdy again. They were all shouting about Dan. Phil heard that Dan had murdered someone, was in a street gang, had a drinking problem, had a drug problem, and so many other things that Phil was sure were untrue.

"Guys, maybe there's something going on in his life, and instead of making rumors about him and thinking he's some kind of monster, you should try being nice to him." Phil shouted to the crowd. People usually listened to him, everyone liked him. But instead of everybody agreeing with him, they all just laughed. People shouted back at him about how that was never going to happen. Phil sighed, and to his luck, the bell rang. Phil walked to his first class, Calculus, groaning. He didn't exactly enjoy math, but he had to take it. He walked into the class to see one other person sitting in the back of the class. Dan. Phil was determined to be friends with Dan, he went and sat the chair in front of him...


	2. Chapter 2

Dan growled at the boy as he sat down. He didn't like human interaction. Nobody ever sat near him, everybody was too scared that he would kill them or something. Nobody knew that Dan was actually pretty much harmless. He didn't have the guts to hurt anyone or anything. But this boy was different. Instead of running away in fear, the boy turned around and smiled. Dan froze, it was the boy from earlier. The beautiful, beautiful boy. And goddamn, that boy's smile could make a room light up. Dan rolled his eyes in response, holding in his inner feelings. 

"I'm Phil." The black fringed boy said, holding his hand out. 

Dan scoffed "You already know who I am" He said slapping Phil's hand away from him. 

Phil didn't turn around from fear, he just smiled even wider as if trying to radiate his happiness onto Dan. "Everybody knows who you are."

Dan groaned, "What are you trying here?" 

Phil looked at him in a confused, innocent way "Huh?" 

"Nobody gives a shit about me, and then all of sudden some popular kid is all over me. Something doesn't add up here." 

Phil started to open his mouth, but was cut off by the bell. 

"Lester, turn around." Their professor ordered, closing the door as she walked in.

Dan perked up hearing Lester, turning to see who turned around. Much to his surprise, the boy in front of him rolled his eyes before turning to face the teacher in front of them. 

As the period dragged on, Dan couldn't help but wonder about the blued eyed boy in front of him. What was he like? How was he so happy? Why did he give a shit about Dan? Dan was pulled out of his thoughts when the teacher called on him

"Howell" She said looking up at the obviously distracted boy. 

"Huh?" Dan muttered looking up from his desk.

"What's the square root of 7483?" She asked giving him the 'pay attention you little bitch' look.

"Does it look like I care, Professor?" He retorted back, rolling his eyes. 

The teacher went to open her mouth, but was cut off by the bell. 

Dan grabbed his stuff and went to the door, but was stopped by none other than Phil Lester, who was holding a piece of paper to him.

"What's this?" Dan asked grabbing the paper

"We'll Miss. Galumberg said we had to partner with the person nearest us, and you were nearest to me, so I figured we could exchange numbers. I mean if that's okay with you.." Phil trailed off looking ,for the first time, scared around Dan. 

"Mhm" Dan said writing his cell phone number down before handing it to Phil. "Just tell me what I need to do" He said walking out of the room. 

The next class Dan had was science. He waked into the room, and sat down at a desk in the back, slinging his notebook in the chair beside him, trying to assure that nobody would even try and sit by him. But that definitely didn't happen. Sure enough, none other than Phil Lester walked up, took the notebook off of the chair, handed it to Dan, and sat down in the chair. 

"Why aren't you sitting with Liguori?" Dan asked, trying not to sound too nasty, but still adding haste into the comment. He looked over at Phil's brown haired friend, whom was now sharing a table with a blonde haired girl who had the bottom half of her hair dyed pink. 

Phil smiled at Dan, his signature Phil Lester smile. "PJ has friends other than me." He replied with a shrug. 

"And you are friends with literally the other 98% of people in this room. Why did you choose to sit by me?" Dan questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Wait. Only 98%?" Phil said in a slightly quieter voice, looking around the science lab.

"Well I'm not counting you're not your own friend, and you're not mine. So 98%." Dan replied as their teacher came around the room with a clipboard. 

Phil took the board and signed his name, in the spot where his seat was, handing it to Dan who did the same thing. Phil stayed quiet for the rest of the science lesson, as he replayed the words Dan had said. So he was failing. He was not doing a good job of befriending Dan. Great.

For the rest of the school day, Phil made sure to stay away from Dan, trying not to seem too eager. At the end of the day, the group of his closest friends walked with Phil to their neighborhood, the entire time they all gossiped about school. Zoe told them all about her new boyfriend, Alfie or something, who went to a different school. Louise talked about how everyone seemed to like her new hair color. Joe told them all about this new girl he had his eye on. Chris and PJ just talked to each other, trying to play it off like they weren't a couple. When they got to Phil's front porch, all of his friends just did as usual and followed Phil inside. Neither of Phil's parents were home when he got home, and his older brother had already moved out, so their was nobody to tell him that his friends couldn't come over. 

"Phil, you're being quiet." PJ stated as he sat, rather closely to Chris, on a couch.

Louise nodded, agreeing as she sat in a chair across from the other two boys. 

Zoe and Joe both sat on the floor, letting Phil take the last seat in the room. 

"Oh, am I?" Phil said trying to play it off as there was nothing on his mind 

Louise sighed "Philip, whats wrong?" She asked turning to face her pale friend.

Phil shook his head "Nothing, I'm fine" Phil insisted, smiling at the group, to assure them he was okay. 

Zoe shrugged as she checked her hair in her phone "Whatever you say.. But I think Howell's rubbing off on you" She said with a smirk.

Phil rolled his eyes "He's not a bad guy, why do you all hate him?" He questioned as he scanned the room of his friends.

"He may not be a bad guy, but he's not a good guy, Phil." Chris replied 

"What has Dan ever done to any of you?" Phil said, slightly annoyed that his friends just assumed that Dan was a terrible guy.

Joe shook his head when Phil used his first name. Nobody ever did that, "Phil. He's not good news. Just stay away from him. Like everybody else does. We know you want to be friends with everybody, but the Howell's, both of them, need to be stayed away from."

Phil groaned "Fine." He muttered, he wasn't going to give up on Dan, he wasn't a lost hope, but he didn't want to argue with his friends. 

Phil was going to make friends with Dan Howell, whether his friends liked it or not. They were paired together in math and in science. That meant he would have to talk to Dan. And there was nothing his friends could do about it. 

 

________________________________________________________________________________

Dan was slightly glad when Phil didn't bother to speak to him the rest of the day, but he was also a little disappointed. True, Phil was destroying his bad boy reputation, but damn he was hot. When Dan got to his house, he threw his stuff on the kitchen table and went to his room. Like he always did. Some while later, he heard the front door open. He assumed Lucas had gone out, and was just getting back in. Their parents had gone out for dinner with some new neighbors, so the brothers were left to make dinner for themselves. 

When Dan finally got hungry, he raided the freezer, finally making himself Pizza Rolls. He sat at the table, and just about the time he started to eat, Lucas came into the room. He sat across from Dan. 

"So I heard some pretty great rumors about you today" His little brother stated.

"Mum ended up winning the fight then." Dan said with a little smirk.

"Hey, I gave in, okay?" His brother said, getting defensive. 

"Okay, okay" Dan replied, putting his hands up, "But seriously, stop arguing with them at every chance you get"

Lucas rolled his eyes "So apparently you got some girl in America pregnant, and now are just leaving her to raise the child by herself" he said as he stood to raid the cabinets for food. 

Dan snorted "Where do people come up with these things?" He muttered. 

Lucas shrugged as he sat down with a box of cereal "But I also heard you talked to Phil Lester."

Dan looked up from his plate and then at his brother "Yeah, so?"

Lucas raised his eyebrow at his older brother as he took a handful of cereal and threw it at the boy "No!" He practically shouted "Not Lester"

Dan glared at his brother "What's so wrong with it?" 

"Just no." Lucas replied standing up and turning to go back to his room "Stay away from him, Dan. He doesn't care about you. He just wants everybody to like him" And with that, he walked away in a cloud of anger. 

Much like Phil, Dan wasn't going to just ignore Phil, he couldn't. Not just because they were partners in two classes, but because he physically couldn't. Oh no. That boy was way more than he could handle. Phil was the light, Dan was the darkness. They needed each other to be balanced.......


	3. Chapter 3

The rest of the school week went by rather fast. 

Phil's friends kept him away from Dan.

Lucas's words repeated in Dan's mind, and he stayed as far away as Phil as he could. 

Was his little brother right? Did Phil really not care about him? It didn't seem that way. Or at least it didn't seem that way to Dan. Phil seemed... genuine about wanting to be friends. But, Dan had a reputation to upkeep and literal sunshine Phil Lester would just ruin his whole bad boy vibe. Did Dan really care about his reputation? Or did he just keep it up to make people leave him alone? He couldn't decide at this point. Of course he wanted to continue to be "Bad boy Howell", but Phil Lester. Ugh. Damn Philip Lester. Before him and his perfection came along, Dan had never questioned wanting to actually make friends or even date somebody from his school, but now Lester had him all strung up, and he didn't like it. 

"I mean, Lucas can always keep up the Howell reputation." Dan mumbled to himself that Friday afternoon as he flung his stuff on a couch while he entered his house, after the school day. 

"Lucas what?" His brother said, emerging from the kitchen, a bowl of cereal in hand.

"Nothing." Dan said quietly, not wanting his brother to throw his cereal at him, "Just thinking out loud, I guess."

Lucas shrugged as he sat on their couch, putting his feet on a coffee table, "You're not thinking about Lester again, right?" He questioned "Because I will kill you."

Dan rolled his eyes as he started for the stairs "Of course not." He lied as he started up the steps.

"Don't lie to me, Dan." Lucas warned.

"I'm not lying." Dan said through gritted teeth as he reached his bedroom. He locked the door, and flopped down onto the bed. Exhausted. From everything. The lying to his brother. The glares at school. The comments people made as he walked down the hallway. The having to pretend as if none of it bothered him. It was exhausting. He laid completely still, face down on his bed, trying to forget. It didn't work, not even a little.

Eventually Dan fell asleep. He awoke to the sound of his buzzing phone. "Ugh" He groaned as he answered the call "Hello?" He said still halfway asleep.

"Dan?" The voice that Dan recognized as literal sunshine asked from the other line.

"What do you want?" Dan muttered into his phone 

"I-I just, since Tuesday you've seemed really down, and it's kind of sad. Or completely sad... And I just wanted to know if you're alright, because I don't like seeing people like that. Especially people I care so much about.." He trailed off lightly.

"I'm fine, Lester." Dan grumbled "Don't worrry about me."

"B-but.. fine" Phil groaned "Thanks for not killing me." Phil muttered before ending the call. 

But that was just the thing. Dan wasn't fine. Not even a little. And when Dan wasn't fine, he did something to make him feel like he was. He wasn't proud of it, but it helped. A lot. It technically wasn't illegal, he was 18.. Slowly Dan crept out of his room and into the kitchen, making sure Lucas had gone somewhere else, Dan quietly snuck out of the door, making sure his brother wouldn't hear him leave. He didn't know why he kept his secret from Lucas, its not like he would care, but he didn't trust his baby brother. 

Dan made his way through the town, ending up in front of a general store. He opened the door and cringed when a bell sounded, telling there was a new customer. He didn't want to draw more attention to himself than necessary. Steadily Dan made his way back to the liquor, looking over what the store had. Finally deciding on some Russian vodka, Dan walked slowly to a register. After getting a weird look from the cash register lady and showing his I.D, Dan paid for his alcohol and walked slowly paced back to his house. As he entered, he noticed Lucas had left, meaning he had the house to himself for at least a little while. Both of his parents worked late, and wouldn't be home until the morning. 

Dan slowly crept up the stairs, making his way back to his bedroom. Why he was being quiet, he didn't know, but it seemed like the right thing to do. When he entered the room, he sat on his bed, unscrewing the lid. He hesitated before bringing the bottle to his lips, taking a steady drink. He basically moaned as the drink poured down his throat. It burned slightly, but it felt good. One sip. Two sip. And so on it went. Or at least until the bottle was empty. Dan hadn't meant to drink as much as he had, but it felt so good, forgetting everything. But his memories soon returned. Now he was just a drunk, lonely, sobbing mess. He needed someone. Someone to talk to, someone to hold him. But.. He didn't have anyone. Or did he? He shakily took his phone, and called somebody he never thought he would ever call............

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Louise's parents were out of town, so she had decided to throw a 'Back to school bash', as she had called it. That's where Phil had been. He was sitting through a pretty intense game of spin the bottle when his phone started to buzz. 

"I've got to take this." He told the circle as he stood up, mostly glad he was getting out of the game. He went outside as he answered the call, not bothering to look at the caller I.D. "Hello?" He said as he paced up and down Louise's sidewalk, slightly alarmed when he heard sobbing on the other end.

"P-Phil?" 

Phil sucked in a breathe, this was the last person he would've expected to call him at 11:30 on a Friday night. And it was especially the last person he wanted to hear sobbing at 11:30 on a Friday night, "Where are you?" Phil demanded softly.

"What? Why does that matter?" Dan asked between sobs.

"Dan, please just tell me.", Phil pleaded softly, not wanting Dan to hang up on him or something.

"I'm at my house, why?" Dan replied, obviously distressed.

"I'll be there in twenty." Phil muttered as he pressed end. Walking back inside he grabbed his keys, "I've got to go.", He told PJ, "Tell Louise I'll help her and Zoe clean up tomorrow, if they want me to," He said, walking out before PJ could ask where he was going. 

Phil sighed as he climbed into his car, turning the key in the ignition. He roughly had an idea of where Dan lived, but he wasn't completely sure. Slowly, he made his way down the streets of London finally ending up in what he thought was the right neighborhood. Phil gradually progressed down the street, finally parking by a house that had a 'Howell' sign on the front porch. Taking his keys out, Phil made his way to the door, he hesitated but decided not to knock, opening the unlocked door gently. 

"Dan?" He called out gently to the boy, not knowing where he was. After not getting a response, he just followed the sound of distant sobbing to a slightly opened room, "Dan?" He asked as he opened the door to the room.

Dan looked up from his hands whenever Phil entered his room, "You didn't have to come." Dan slurred quietly, looking at the floor. 

"D-Dan, are you drunk?" Phil asked, cautiously walking over to Dan, crouching beside his bed, already knowing the answer, "And, I did have to come. You needed somebody, and I'm always here." Phil reassured him. 

Dan ran a hand through his now slightly curling fringe as he continued to weep, his gaze landing on the empty vodka bottle, "I've tried to stop." Dan muttered "But I never can.."

Phil bit his lip as he looked at the school's bad boy, drunk and crying in front of him, "Dan..?" Phil asked softly, moving Dan's fringe from his eyes "What happened?"

Dan looked up at Phil, "Everything happened?" He whispered.

"Dan....." Phil repeated, taking one of Dan's hands from his face and holding it in his own. "Please."

Dan flinched when Phil took his hand "I'm just tired of this, Phil. Of everyone looking at me like I'm going to kill them, whispering about me like I can't hear, like I don't have feelings. It hurts more than you would think, not that you would know." Dan muttered, "And it just, usually, makes me forget. But tonight it just made me feel more worthless than I am." 

Phil's heart broke a little upon hearing Dan's slurred words, "I'm so sorry, Dan." He whispered, taking the other hand, holding them both tight, "I had no idea."

Dan shrugged as the tears continued to flow down his face, "There's not much you can do about it."

Phil sighed as he took one of his hands and wiped away Dan's tears, "I've spent the last five years letting everybody treat you like you're nothing, not once taking into consideration your feelings. Dan, I could've done something about it, and I'm so sorry that I didn't." 

Dan started to calm down, but panicked again when he heard the front door creep open.

Phil rubbed the back of Dan's hand when he saw the panic arise in his eyes "Dan?" He said, he himself starting to panic. "Dan talk to m-" He started to say getting cut off by a very obviously annoyed/angry voice.

"I thought I told you to stay away from Lester." A voice, Phil assumed belonged to Dan's brother, sneered from the doorway.

"And I thought I told you to piss off and stay out of my life." Dan replied, meeting his brothers snarkiness. 

Phil bit his lip as he looked from brother to brother. It was remarkable how much alike they were. The same brown hair, the same chestnut brown eyes, the same intimidating glare. To say the least, having the school's two biggest bad boys, disagreeing, in front of him was making Phil a little uneasy. 

As Lucas caught sight of the boy's hands he laughed "A gay boy now are ya?" He asked his brother with a slight smirk 

"Shut the fuck up." Dan replied, his voice getting angrier. 

"And if I don't?" 

Dan just shook his head, unable to think of a reply. He took a deep breathe as he glared at his brother.

"That's what I thought." Lucas said as he departed to his room across the hall. 

Phil stood and shut the door, locking it "You don't deserve that." He muttered to Dan as he sat by his bed again.

"Well there's nothing much I can do about it." Dan muttered back, as his anger once again faded into sadness.

"Leave." Phil stated simply, "Even if it's just for the weekend."

"Phil, you have realized that literally everybody hates me, right?" Dan asked as he bit his lip "I have no where to go."

Phil then lit up with an idea "Come with me." He said quietly "Like right now. My parents won't mind, I'm suppose to be at Louise's right now anyway. And anywhere would be better than here."

Dan tensed at the mention "I don't know...." He trailed off, shifting his gaze to his ceiling.

"Please. Just for now. Just tonight, even if you don't want to stay the entire weekend. Just please." Phil begged, he barely knew Dan and yet he felt this connection to him. 

Dan hesitated before nodding slowly, "Fine. But if I don't like you, I'm leaving tomorrow." Dan warned as he stood.

Phil grinned to himself as Dan agreed, "Oh, thank you." He muttered, crushing Dan in a hug.

"Okay, get off of me before I change my mind." Dan said with a slight shake of his head.

Phil let go of Dan, grabbing his hand and pulling him to his car, he opened the passenger side door for Dan before running to the driver's side. Phil got settled into the driver's seat, and once seeing that Dan was settled into the passengers seat, started off to his house, "My parent's are out of town, and my brother's at university, so it'll just be us two, if thats alright." Phil said as he drove by Louise's house, the party still seeming to be going strong. He bit his lip as he looked at his friends house.

"Phil, you can go back. I'll be fine at home." Dan assured him as he followed his gaze.

"No, no. It's fine. I see Louise and Chris and PJ and Zoe and Joe all the time." Phil said, focusing his gaze back on the road. "The only new person there is is Zoe's new boyfriend, Alfie." 

Dan sighed, deciding not to argue, "Fine." He muttered as he looked out of his window.

As Phil pulled into his driveway, and looked at Dan "You okay?" He asked quietly 

Dan nodded, trying to convince himself "Yeah, yeah. Do you have food?" He asked "Not to be that person, but I just had the bottle of vodka." Dan said, his voice cracking slightly. 

Phil rubbed Dan's hand as he opened the door "It's alright, and yeah, we have food." He said as he went and unlocked the front door, waiting for Dan. 

Dan opened the door, and shivering slightly at the cold August air. He stood by Phil, entering the house whenever Phil held the door for him. 

Phil closed the door, flicking a light on, throwing his keys on a coffee table, leading Dan to a kitchen, "What do you want?" He asked Dan going through the cabinets.

"Just some kind of cereal." Dan said with a shrug, sitting down at a table, "Sorry, drinking without eating doesn't go together." He said, feeling dizzy, putting his head in his hands. 

"No, no. Don't apologize." Phil said as he handed him a bowl of cereal. 

Dan sighed as he ate the cereal "I'm so stupid." He muttered to himself as he ate.

"Don't say that." Phil said, sitting next to Dan, "It's not true."

Dan sighed, "Okay." He mumbled.

Dan finished the cereal in silence, giving Phil the bowl when it was empty, "Thanks." He muttered, standing up. 

As Phil put the bowl in the sink, he noticed Dan shivering slightly. He went up behind him and wrapped his arms around Dan, watching as he stopped moving, "Do you want a sweatshirt or something?" Phil asked as he rubbed his hands up and down Dan's arms.

Dan nodded, tensing ever so slightly at Phil's touch, "That would be nice." 

Phil nodded, grabbing Dan's hand, he led him to his bedroom. Grabbing a sweatshirt, he threw it at Dan, "There. Now what?" Phil asked, sitting on his bed. 

Dan shrugged sitting in Phil's office chair by his desk, "I don't care." He mumbled taking his phone out, and checking the time "Dear God it's already almost two." 

Phil stared at him, checking the time on his phone "Sleep?" He asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

Dan nodded, "I could go for some sleep." 

Phil sighed as he threw Dan a pillow, "I hope you don't mind sleeping on the floor." He said with a slight smile, throwing him a blanket. 

Dan shrugged as he sat the pillow down, laying on it, "I'll manage." He said with a smile as he threw the blanket on top of him.

Phil smiled as he turned his light out, "Goodnight, Dan."

"Night, Phil." Dan replied, shutting his eyes, but not being able to sleep. This went on until Dan was, once again, thinking about his life and his life choices. This ended in silent sobs escaping his lips, as he tried not to wake Phil.

Little did he know that Phil had been watching him, waiting for him to fall asleep to make sure he was alright. When Dan started to cry, Phil couldn't help but try and help.

"Dan, come here." Phil said softly after Dan had cried to himself for a few minutes.

Dan stiffened, but stood and sat on the edge of Phil's bed, trying to once again, stop the tears.

Phil pulled Dan down so he was laying beside him, "Don't cry. It's okay." He cooed wrapping his arms around Dan.

Dan swallowed as he nodded, leaning slightly into Phil, the tears not stopping.

And that night, Dan slept with Phil, finally feeling content with his life. And Phil, Phil was happy, for that night he had made Dan happy, maybe at least. He didn't know if it would last, but he was going to enjoy making the light come into the darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Dan woke up hungover the next day.

He looked at the sleeping Phil next to him and remembered the actions of the night. He had told Phil his biggest secret while he cried into his chest. What was wrong with him? It was something Phil did to him. And he wasn't sure if he liked it. 

Phil woke up shortly after Dan and glanced over at him, "You alright?" He asked quietly 

Dan nodded "I think so.. Thanks for letting me stay here."

Phil pulled Dan into a hug, "Why can't you tell anyone?" He asked quietly 

Dan looked at the floor as he opened his mouth to answer, but got slightly choked up. 

Phil pulled him closer as he started to cry.

"B-Because my parents." Dan started through his tears, "And my brother.. And the school.."

"I get your family, and I'm so sorry about that, but why the school?" Phil asked softly, "They know about me and they don't think anybody knows, but everybody knows about Chris and PJ."

"But heres the difference, the school loves you guys. Everybody hates me."

Phil sighed, knowing Dan was right, "Dan, I'm so sorry.. Im so sorry that you're afraid to tell anyone. I'm sorry that everybody at school would treat you differently than me for being gay.. I'm just so sorry."

And that's when everything went wrong.

As Dan's sobbing increased, the front door opened. Had it been Martyn or Phil's parents, it would've been fine. They wouldn't have cared but oh no.

"Phil?" He heard PJ call from the bottom of the staircase 

"Philip are you okay?" Louise called and Phil could hear his friends coming up the stairs.

"Phil, we heard cry-" Chris started as he opened the door to Phil's bedroom, stopping his sentence upon seeing the two boys holding each other.

Phil's friends piled into his room one by one, each staring at the sight. 

"Um, Phil can we see you outside?" Zoe asked after a few moments of silence.

Phil started to object, but Dan pushed him off of the bed, "Just go." He muttered. 

Phil sighed, but followed his friends to his backyard.

"Okay, what the hell was that?" Joe asked once they were all in a circle

"He was drunk last night and he called me-" Phil started, Louise cutting him off

"Wait, you left my party last night for Howell?!" Louise practically yelled.

"He was drunk, and needed somebody? Like I haven't helped all of you when you've been drunk." Phil shot back

PJ sighed, "But none of us are Dan Howell."

"Well sometimes I wish you were."

A collective gasp ran through his friends before Louise spoke up again

"How did you end up here then?"

"His brother. I-its a long story." Phil muttered

"His brother. Like Lucas Howell?" Chris said with a laugh, "What did he do that ended you up in your bed?"

"Lucas knows he's gay!" Phil spat out before he clamped a hand over his mouth as his friends all processed his words, "You can't tell anybody I told you that." 

Joe grabbed his sisters arm, hoping the rest would follow them "Well that explains. We can finish this conversation another time." He said as he left the yard. Soon Lousie followed and then Chris along with PJ. Soon it was just Phil alone in his backyard. He resisted the urge to cry as he climbed the stairs back to his bedroom. 

"I'm sorry about them, they're being ass-" Phil started to say, but stopped when he saw the room empty, "Dan?" He called quietly, before a piece of paper in the middle of his bed caught his eye. He dropped the note after reading what it said.

"I get it. Sorry for being such a fuck up" Was all he wrote. Phil's heart was broke. 

He tried calling Dan, he tried texting him, nothing worked. He guessed he would just have to wait until Monday to talk to Dan. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

The rest of Dan's weekend went by rather slowly. Lucas had gone with some friends somewhere, probably to get high in some ally, his parents were gone. He honestly had just stared at his bedroom ceiling for 99% of it. And school on Monday, well it wasn't any better. 

"Faggot" He heard some kids mutter when he walked through the halls, going to his first class. 

Dan tried to shake it off like the comment wasn't directed towards him, but he couldn't help but feel like it was. 

As he took his seat in the back of his Calculus class, he couldn't help but feel like everyone was watching him..judging him. 

"Gay." Dan heard a kid cough on his right. 

He kept his head down, trying to block out the world, he was never more thankful for the bell signifying the beginning of the lesson. The rest of the day went about the same. People making gay comments as he passed, being stared out, some kids even had the nerve to spray paint "Gay" and "faggot' and other things onto his locker. The only happiness he had was when he saw Phil. He would just smile at him as they passed in the hall, but it made him feel momentarily happy. 

On his walk home, Dan was suddenly pushed by something.

"I've been yelling at you for like five minutes." Lucas said as he walked beside Dan.

Dan looked at his brother and shrugged, "Haven't been paying attention, I guess."

"So, you're gay?" His brother questioned, with a tone of 'Don't lie, I already know.'

"I see you've been caught up in the gossip today." Dan said, trying not to let his voice quiver.

"I'm going to tell Mum." Lucas said, much like a five year old, as he started to run towards the Howell place.

"LUCAS ADRIEN HOWELL, DON'T YOU DARE!" Dan screamed as he ran after his brother, entering the house moments after his younger brother 

"Mum!" Lucas yelled as he ran into the kitchen, where their mother was cooking dinner, "Dan's gay."

Dan sucked in a breathe as he stood in the doorway to the kitchen.

Their mother turned to face her sons with a roll of her eyes, "Lucas stop-" She cut herself off when she looked at her flustered oldest son, "Dan, Dan is this true?" She asked quietly.

"Mum." Dan said quietly "Mum, please." 

"Daniel, you have thirty minutes to pack your stuff, and then I want you out of my house." His mother said sharply as she set a timer on the microwave. "Now I suggest you get going."

Dan held back tears as he retreated to his bedroom, grabbing as much stuff as he could at a time, packing it in his backpack, suitcase, anything that would hold stuff. When the thirty minutes was up, Dan was practically thrown out of his house. 

He bit his lip to keep from crying as he walked down his street. He didn't know where he was going to go, he didn't have anywhere to go. Well he did have one place, and it was probably the only place. He sighed as he pulled out his phone, dialing the only person he could rely on's number.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Phil's friends had all continued there daily routine, and had come to Phil's house after school.

They had all talked things over, and even if Phil wasn't the happiest with them, they were still his best friends.

When his phone rang, Phil stood and went to the front yard, assuring his friends he wouldn't skip out on them again, "Hello.." He said to the other person, pacing up and down his sidewalk.

"Phil. C-can I come over?" Dan asked quietly.

"Of course, what's up?" Phil asked, his concern growing.

"Lucas told my mum I'm gay and she gave me thirty minutes and then kicked me out." Dan explained, and Phil could tell he was choked up. 

"Dan, oh gosh, Dan. I'm so sorry. You can stay here for however long. I can come get you if you want." 

"Would you?" Dan asked quietly, "I-I'm just on the end of my street, I'm sorry." 

"No, don't apologize. I can be there in like twenty." Phil muttered as he ended the call, walking back into his house, he grabbed his keys before turning to face his friends, "Which one of you said something?" He demanded 

All of his friends just looked at him with a look of confusion. 

"Goddamit, which of you said something about Dan being gay?" Phil said, his tone getting harsh 

"Why does it matter?" Chris asked with a roll of his eyes.

"It matters, because the word apparently got around school, back to Dan's brother whom told their mum, who more or less kicked Dan out." Phil explained, rather angrily. 

All of his friends quieted, but none of them lost the hatred in their eyes.

"So, I'll be back. Stay if you wish." Phil muttered, leaving before any of his friends could object. He couldn't believe them. He had asked one simple thing of his friends, and they had to ruin it for him. This wasn't good. Not for Phil. Not for Dan. Not for Chris or PJ or Louise or Zoe or Joe. It was just bad.

When Phil reached Dan's street, he slowed down, looking up and down the street before stopping suddenly, seeing what looked like a lump of black cloth. He hadn't noticed, but it had started to rain lightly between his house and Dan's street. 

"Dan?" He asked, putting his coat over his head to keep dry.

Dan looked up from his hands, his face red and puffy "Phil?" He said quietly running up to hug him, "I'm so sorry." He muttered.

"Don't apologize." Phil said putting the coat over Dan, wrapping his arms around him.

Dan tried to hold back the tears as he nuzzled his face into Phil's shoulder.

Phil held Dan close as the rain started to fall faster and harder, soaking him in a matter of seconds, "C'mon, let's go back to my house." Phil whispered to the now sobbing Dan as he took his arms from around his torso and went to the drivers seat of his car.

Dan followed Phil quietly, climbing into the passengers seat, sighing in relief as the rain stopped hitting him.

"What exactly happened?" Phil asked quietly as he looked over at Dan, deciding not to go anywhere until Dan had stopped crying.

Dan took a couple of deep breathes before looking up at Phil, "Somehow the school found out, and all day people just called me gay and fag, and they actually spray painted it on my locker." He whispered, his voice cracking a little.

Phil covered his mouth, trying not to let his own cry escape, "I'm sorry I didn't do anything about it." He muttered, taking Dan's hand, "I didn't know it was you."

Dan shook his head as he gave Phil a tiny smile, "No, it's okay." He said putting his head down, "And then Lucas came up to me while we were walking home and asked if I was gay, and of course he already knew the answer, and then he ran home and told Mum. And then she gave me thirty minutes." 

Phil sucked a breathe in as Dan explained everything, "I'm sorry."

Dan looked out the window, and Phil could tell that he was trying not to cry again.

"Well. You can stay with us as long as you want." Phil assured him, as he started the car, not letting go of Dan's hand. The rest of the trip to Phil's house was pretty silent, except for the sobs that would occasionally escape Dan's lips. 

As Phil put the car in park, he looked over at his house, noticing the lights were still on. Great, that meant his friends were all still there. 

Phil dropped Dan's hand and gave him a small smile as he headed to the front door opening it to reveal that the Sugg's had left, leaving Chris, PJ, and Louise.

"Any of you say anything, I will kill you." Phil warned, glaring around at his friends as he sat in his usual spot.

Dan walked in shortly after Phil, stopping mid-step when he saw Phil's friends all in the room, "I can leave." He said, knowing that they all hated him, before turning to reach for the doorknob.

Phil stood up and grabbed Dan's hand, dragging him back to the room, "No you can't." He said as he sat back down in the chair, pulling Dan into his lap, causing the other boy to blush.

PJ cleared his throat as he watched the interaction, "Something you're not telling us?" He asked, his tone rough.

Dan eyed him and Chris who were basically laying on top of each other "I could ask the same to you." He said, matching PJ's tone.

Louise snickered from her spot on the floor, causing both Chris and PJ to glare at her, "Well, he's not wrong." She muttered, glancing down at the floor.

Phil grinned slightly as both boys moved away from each other.

Chris stood "Well, I've got places I have to be, so I'll see you all tomorrow." He muttered as he left.

Shortly after, PJ followed suit, and then Louise did the same.

When it was just Dan and Phil, Dan took a shaky breathe, "Phil, seriously I can leave."

Phil shook his head, "You're not going anywhere. You can just take Martyn's room, Mum and Dad won't mind." 

As if on cue, a woman looking to be in her late thirties, walked through the door, "Phil, dear could y-" His mother started to ask, but stopped when she looked at her son, whom Dan was still on top of, "Who's this?" She questioned, sitting on the couch opposite of the boys.

"Mum, this is Dan. H-his parents threw him out and I was hoping he could stay with us maybe for a while?" Phil explained, hope trickling in his voice. 

"Phil, can I talk to you in the kitchen?" His mother asked, standing, her son following, "Are you a thing?" She asked him in a hushed tone.

"No, Mum." Phil replied rolling his eyes.

"Is he gay?" 

Phil nodded, wringing his hands in a nervous way, "That's why his parents kicked him out." He explained quietly.

His mother nodded, "He can take Martyn's room." She said, "So it's Dan, right?" 

Phil nodded, "Yeah." he said as he slipped out of the room, going to Dan, "You can have Martyn's room." He told him, sitting on the arm to the chair.

Dan gave him a small smile, "Thank you." He said quietly 

Phil hugged Dan, "Don't thank me." 

Dan pulled Phil closer to him, "I do have to thank you. I wouldn't be here without you. I would be on the street somewhere."

And just like that, Phil completely saw differently. He wasn't the bad boy that he was made out to be. He wasn't a drug addict. Maybe he did have a slight alcohol problem, but they could worry about that later. 

Phil rested his head on top of Dan's, not letting him go, "D-Dan?" He stumbled over his words, his face flushing a bit. 

Dan looked up at him, loosening his grip, "Hm?"

"W-would you maybe want to sleep in my room tonight?" He asked quietly, "I know you've had a rough day and when I'm feeling bad, I always feel better when I'm with someone..."

Dan smiled some, "That sounds great." He mumbled into Phil's shoulder.

Phil was instantly flooded with relief. He then took one of the biggest risk he ever would, and kissed the top of Dan's head. 

Dan tensed majorly and unwrapped his arms from Phil as he looked at the floor, biting his lip to keep his face from flushing.

Phil stood and mentally slapped himself, "I'm just going to see if Mum needs help." He muttered as he pushed through the kitchen doors, sliding down it once it was closed, "Damn." He scolded himself "Goddamn."

"Phil, honey, are you alright?" His mother asked 

Phil nodded, "Yeah, fine." He muttered, standing.

But he wasn't fine. He had screwed things up, and he didn't know how to fix them.


	5. Chapter 5

Dan sat alone in the Lester's lounge. He hadn't meant to be such a bother. He hadn't meant for Phil to completely freak out on himself. 

True, he didn't know if that's what Phil was doing, but it is what it seemed like.

Dan continued to bit his lip in silence until the door opened again. 

"Mum" A voice could only assume belonged to this Martyn called "I decided to come home for the weeke- woah, who are you?" He asked Dan once he caught sight of him.

"Dan." He replied simply, wringing his hands together.

"Like Dan Howell?" 

Dan nodded, the inside of his lip starting to bleed some.

"Phil, what the hell is Dan Howell doing in our house?" The older Lester boy asked as he started towards the kitchen, but being met by his younger brother in the lounge.

"Martyn!" Phil hissed as he hit his brothers shoulder lightly 

"No, Phil." Dan stood and went to the door, "It's fine, I understand."

"Dan, no." Phil started towards the brown-eyed boy, but was held back by his older brother as Dan left the house, "Martyn, what the hell?" 

"There. I saved you. You're welcome." Martyn said as he dragged his younger brother into the kitchen, "Hey Mum." He greeted their mother with a smile.

Phil struggled from his brothers grip, slapping him before opening the kitchen door, "No, you didn't save me." He said through gritted teeth as he searched for his keys, "You did the exact opposite, actually."

"Can't do much without these." Martyn called to his little brother as he held up Phil's keys.

"Give. Me. The. Keys." Phil commanded through gritted teeth as he started towards his brother.

"I'd rather not." Martyn replied with a shrug as he moved away from Phil

Phil took a deep breath, trying to keep cool as he advanced towards his brother, "Martyn, please give me the keys."

Martyn once again shook his head, moving farther into the kitchen.

"Give me the keys." Phil ordered again

"Damn, just give him the keys." Their mother said as she snatched the keys from Martyn, oblivious to what was happening, throwing them to her younger son, "Don't come back drunk."

"Thank you, Mum!" Phil exclaimed as he practically ran to his car, getting drenched from the raining sky. He sighed in frustration as he put his keys in the ignition. He hadn't meant for everybody ever to treat Dan like shit. He especially didn't expect Dan to actually care about other people. But he did, more than Phil would've ever thought. 

Phil drove around for a while, growling under his breath when there was no sign of the boy. And then he had a crazy idea.

Phil drove to a store that sold liquor nearest to his house, running to the doors, stopping whenever their was a black lump close to the door. "Dan?" He asked crouching down next to the thing.

"Go away." The voice, that belonged to Dan, said as he went to take another swig of whatever type of alcohol he had that night.

"Dan, no." Phil mumbled, reaching for the bottle, only to have his hand slapped.

"Phil, go back home." Dan slurred as he took a swig of the alcohol "People like us don't collide. You're loved, I'm feared. It just doesn't work. It's okay."

Phil sighed as he hit his hand off of the sidewalk, "No, Dan, it's not. It must fucking suck to be you, and I'm not going just pretend not to care. I can help, please." He begged quietly

Dan shook his head, "Your friends hate me, your brother hates me... It's okay. I'll be okay."

Phil then did something he knew he probably shouldn't have, but in the moment it seemed so right. Grabbing Dan by the wrist, he pulled him forward, kissing him for a couple of seconds before breaking apart, his face flushed, "God, Dan, I'm sorry, I'm so st-" He started, getting cut off by a pair of cold lips on his own. 

Dan put his hands, freezing from the rain, on the back of Phil's neck, pulling him closer to his own body, determined not to break the kiss.

Phil moved back a little, but his lips were still on Dan's, "Do you still not want to come back with me?" He mumbled against Dan's lips.

Dan shook his head slowly, pulling back completely from Phil, "What abou-"

"What about what, Dan?" Phil asked quietly, taking Dan's hands in his own, "What about Louise? What about Chris? What about PJ? What about Zoe? What about Joe? What about Martyn?" He asked, "Because none of them matter as much as you.."

"Seriously, stop. They've been your best friends, and brother, since you were young. You barely know me."

"Please, just come back with me. Please." He whispered, gazing at the ground.

Dan sighed as he nodded, "Fine." He muttered as he stood, stumbling slightly from the alcohol.

Phil smiled some as he stood after Dan, once again getting drenched by the cold rain pouring from the sky. He grabbed Dan's arm and spun him so he was facing him. He smiled as he put his hands on the back of the taller boy's neck, pulling him down, kissing him softly.

Dan smiled slightly as he wrapped his arms around Phil's waist and kissed him back.

Despite the slight alcohol taste of Dan's lips, the moment was perfect for Phil. 

Or it was.

Dan's lips had just started to become a normal human temperature whenever something of a liquid substance was thrown onto the boys. 

"Burn in hell." Some person that neither of the boys knew called at them.

Dan turned around, rage burning in him, "Listen here you little bi-" He started, but Phil grabbed his hand, kissing him again before he could finish.

"Dan, stop." He insisted quietly "They're not worth it."

Dan groaned, but nodded, "Fine." He muttered.

"C'mon, now let's go home and put something dry on." Phil suggested as he led Dan back over to his car, opening the passengers door for him. 

Dan nodded as he got into the car, shaking, from the cold, slightly. 

Phil got into the drivers side, kissing Dan's hand before starting the car.

The rest of the drive back to Phil's house was pretty quiet. Once at the house, the boys slipped up to Phil's room, making sure to be quiet so nobody noticed them. 

Phil threw Dan a sweatshirt before walking over to him, tangling his hands into Dan's curling, wet hair. 

Dan shook his head, as he put his hands on Phil's waist, leaning down so his forehead was on Phil's, "You're a fucking dork." He whispered before kissing him.

Phil smiled as he kissed Dan back, moving his hands down to Dan's face.

Dan pulled away from Phil, a smile still embedded on his face, "You're cold." He complained quietly

Phil shrugged as he took his hands off of Dan, "Well, if you don't like it, maybe I just won't kiss you..." He warned walking away from Dan.

Before he could get too far, a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist, "You wouldn't." Dan said, kissing his cheek.

"Or would I?" Phil teased as he struggled, and failed, to get out of Dan's grip.

"You might, I just don't want you to." Dan stated with a shrug, letting go of Phil and shrugging his wet shirt off, throwing it at the other boy.

Phil caught the shirt and then dropped it immediately, "Okay, that's cold. Why would you do t-" He started, but stopped when he caught sight of Dan, whom had yet to put another shirt on, "Damn." He muttered, his face turning a scarlet shade as he turned his gaze to the floor.

Dan shook his head as he threw the sweatshirt Phil had gave him on, "I would offer to sleep without a shirt, but it's cold, and you're not worth it." He teased 

Phil rolled his eyes as he changed out of his own shirt, putting a sweatshirt of his own on, "Sleep or..?" He asked 

Dan shrugged as he sat on Phil's bed, shrugging a spare blanket on his shoulders, "I do not care."

Phil nodded as he sat next to Dan, "Netflix?" He suggested as he grabbed his laptop.

"Of course." Dan said with a slight laugh as he laid on the bed, pulling Phil down with him.

"Ever seen Glee?" Phil asked as he pulled Netflix up, cuddling into Dan.

"Oh my gosh yes." Dan exclaimed, "I love Glee."

"Okay, good." Phil said as he clicked on the Pilot episode, "Then you'll know what's happening if I quote along."

"Dork." Dan muttered as he wrapped his arms around Phil, the episode starting. 

"Look who's talking." Phil responded with a cheeky grin.

And that night was magical for both of the boys. Between Glee and each other, nothing could have topped it. 

And then the next day happened.

Phil woke before Dan the next morning. He didn't want to wake the other boy, so he gently unwrapped Dan's arms from him, kissing his forehead lightly, as he exited the room, going to the kitchen where he found his mother and father, whom had yet to leave for work.

"Morning." Phil mumbled as he sat at the dining room table.

"I didn't hear you come in last night." His mom stated.

Phil nodded, "Yeah, we didn't want to wake anyone."

"We?" His father asked, looking up at Phil, eyebrow raised. 

"Oh, I've yet to tell your father, and I'm running late." His mother said as she exited the house.

"Care to explain?" 

"One of my friends from school's parents kicked him out and Mum said he could take Martyn's room for a while." Phil explained with a shrug 

"Hm." His father said, standing, "Well, I'll have to discuss that with your mother, but now, I have to leave." And with that, his father was gone.

Dan woke a little while after Phil and went to the kitchen, "Hey." He muttered as he ran a hand through his curled hair.

"I didn't know you had curly hair!" Phil exclaimed, in shock, as he went over to Dan, tangling his hands through it.

Dan groaned as his face turned a red shade, "No. I forgot about that."

Phil kissed his cheek, "It's cute, don't worry about it."

Dan rolled his eyes, putting his forehead on Phil's, "No it's not."

Phil nodded as he kissed Dan, "Think what you want, but I'm right."

Dan kissed Phil again, wrapping his arms around his waist.

Phil wrapped his arms around Dan's neck, moving his lips in sync with Dan's.

"I knew it!" A voice that belonged to Chris yelled as the usual group, and Alfie, entered the kitchen, "I knew something was up between you two!"

Dan pulled away from Phil, his face reddened, "I'm sorry, Phil." He muttered.

"No." Phil said, taking Dan's hand in his own, lacing their fingers together, "Okay? No. I'm done with all of your bullshit none of you have any reason to hate Dan, and y'know I love him. And, if you don't like it, then so be it."

Louise smiled at the boys, opening her mouth, but before she could say anything, Chris did.

"You barely know him." Chris argued.

"It's not like you and blue eyes over there aren't a thing." Dan said with a roll of his eyes.

"Nothing is happening between me and Chris!" PJ practically yelled

"Wait, they're not a thing?" Alfie whispered to Zoe, causing both her and Louise to giggle.

"Zoe, Louise!" The boy's hissed.

"Oh give it up." Louise groaned, messing with the pink parts of her hair, "We're not stupid."

"Not even in the slightest. We can see the way you look at each other, the way you focus on each other, the way you sit basically on top of each other." Zoe said, "C'mon give it up."

Chris scoffed and PJ rolled his eyes.

"Either way," Joe interjected, "What have we told you, Phil?" 

"And what have I told you?" Phil retorted 

"Guys, why does it matter?" Alfie asked, "I might be new to the group, but I see nothing wrong with it."

"Because, Alfie." Chris started, his tone rough, "Dan's a bitch. He's a fucking drug lord, and he's a terrible guy. He's rude and going to kill someone, and we don't need Phil caught up with a Howell."

Dan bit his lip, keeping quiet.

"Literally none of that is true." Phil tried not to shout, "None of you know anything about him, and it's shit that all of you just assume things." 

"Oh my gosh, shut up." Martyn said, emerging into the kitchen, oblivious to what the fight was about, "Some of us are trying to sleep."


	6. Chapter 6

Dan tensed when Martyn entered the room. 

"Perfect timing." PJ stated with a smirk, "Martyn Lester, how would you feel if you're brother was in love with Bad Boy Dan Howell?"

"Okay, honestly I don't give a shit about what Phil does." Martyn grumbled, "Now I'm going to go sleep. Shut up." And with that, he was gone.

But, that didn't stop the three boys.

"Get rid of him, Phil." Joe said sharply as he turned to leave, "Or lose us." He shrugged and then left the room, not looking back.

"Joe!" Zoe muttered, obvious annoyance in her voice, as she grabbed Alfie's arm following her brother.

"He's not wrong, Philip." Chris stated before he grabbed PJ's arm, and left the house, leaving only Louise.

"Don't listen to them." The blonde said softly, shaking her head, "They're being unreasonable." She then smiled happily at the couple and left the house, leaving only Dan and Phil in the kitchen.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. I didn't want this to happen." Dan muttered, starting to pace around, but soon their was a soft pair of lips on his own.

"Stop worrying." Phil muttered against the brunette's lips, "I don't care about what they think."

Dan sighed, pulling away from Phil, running a hand through his hair, "But you should." He mumbled, "They're your best friends, and they have been for like ever. They should mean more to you than I do."

Phil shook his head, reaching for Dan's hand, "Listen." He said, his tone getting serious, "You mean so much to me. More than you will ever know. Now please, ignore them. For me. I don't care what they think. I care about you. Now stop worrying and kiss me." He insisted, wrapping his arms around the taller boy's neck.

Dan rolled his eyes, but did as he was told to do, "You are such a nerd, Phil Lester."

Phil shrugged as he put his forehead on Dan's, "But you wouldn't want me any other way."

"I know." Dan blushed, kissing Phil once more.

The rest of the morning went mostly like that. The boys went back up to Phil's room and fell back asleep in each others arms, only being woke by the harsh vibrations of Phil's phone.

Dan groaned as he hit Phil to wake him up, only causing Phil to just roll over on him, "Phillll." Dan whined, "Wake up before I throw your phone." That didn't help, Phil just continued to sleep on. Dan finally just gave in, and leaned down to kiss Phil's sleeping lips. Now that did wake the sleeping boy.

Phil was slightly startled at first, but was soon kissing the brunette back. 

"Your phone won't stop buzzing." Dan grumbled, pulling back from the kiss.

Phil reached for his phone, biting his lip as he did so, "Louise wants to know if we want to grab food with her, Zoe, and Alfie." He told him, putting his phone down.

"Tell her if she wants to wait until later, I want to finish our nap." Dan responded, pulling on Phil's waist, motioning for him to lay back down.

Phil laughed as he responded to his blonde friend, "Alright." He muttered, kissing Dan's brown curls before cuddling into his chest.

Dan wrapped his arms around the black headed boy as he drifted off to sleep again.

Phil was awake long after Dan had fallen back asleep. He kept gazing up at him, occasionally kissing his jaw. He wasn't quite sure how they fit so perfectly together, but one thing was for sure; He didn't really mind. In a few short days, Dan had easily became his favorite person. Despite his bad rep, Dan was pretty well the most harmless person there was. He always held Phil close and told him how lucky he was. He kissed his hair and sang quietly to him. Dan was pretty well Prince Charming to Phil. 

Phil decided he liked to look at Dan best when he was asleep. He liked to look at him at all times, but when he was asleep there was just a sort of innocence about him that wasn't there whenever he was awake. And you could always tell when he was dreaming. His eyes would flutter softly and his soft, pink lips would turn up in a smile. Add in his brown curls, and yep that was pretty well perfection to Phil Lester. He just looked so soft, so peaceful, a look that rarely ever happened for Dan. When he was awake, he hardened up, became more secretive. Phil didn't really know why, but he was determined to find out. Maybe if he could figure it out, then he could help Dan. And maybe if he helped Dan, the rest of the school would stop hating him. 

There was just one problem that Phil didn't know about this plan; Dan didn't want help. Sure, Dan didn't want the entire world to hate him. He didn't want his life to suck the way it did then, but he also didn't want everybody to love him, and to tell him it would get better, and that life is worth living. To Daniel James Howell, life wasn't worth living... Somehow Phil couldn't see it, but Dan was depressed, and not just a little. Dan was dying inside a little more each hour of the day. Every time somebody said something to him in the hallways at school, every time he thought about his family, hell every time he looked in a damn mirror, his will to live became a little less. Phil didn't know that he was the only thing keeping Dan alive. Dan was suffering. Dan was being swallowed by his depression more and more each day, and eventually he was going to give into it. The alcohol was started to help less and less, and there wasn't much else Dan could do to make himself forget about it.

Somehow Phil couldn't see Dan's suffering. He couldn't see his eyes leaking tears as he slept, because Phil Lester only saw the positive things in life. Positive was all Phil ever knew, but Dan was a different story. Darkness and sadness, being hated was all Dan ever knew. Dan didn't know how to escape, but Phil couldn't see the nothing in Dan's eyes. He couldn't see the light in them slowly slipping away...


	7. Chapter 7

Whenever Dan woke up, he was met with Phil's sea blue eyes, "Hi," He grumbled, his voice rough.

Phil giggled, booping Dan's nose, "Hi yourself," He muttered back, "Get up, we have to meet Louise and Zoe."

Dan grumbled, not wanting to get out of Phil's warm bed, "Tell them we'll meet them another time, I don't want to leave."

"Too bad," Phil retorted, stretching as he got out of the bed, "I already told them we'd be there."

Dan rolled his eyes when Phil turned around. He didn't want to leave, he didn't want to talk to Phil's friends. He didn't want them to pretend to actually liked him, he just wanted to stay with Phil-or by himself.

"C'mon," Phil whined, sticking his bottom lip out in a joking manner.

Dan couldn't help but smile, "I'm getting up, I'm getting up," He finally muttered, taking his sweet time when exiting the bed. He stretched his arms.

Phil's smile widened as Dan advanced towards him, and he immediately opened his arms in an inviting manner.

Dan walked past Phil, pretending to not notice his open arms, "How long have we got?" He asked, running a hand through his now-curly hair.

Phil's face dropped, and he stuck his bottom lip out again, "I dunno," He muttered, "An hour or so," He shrugged.

"Aw, don't be like that," Dan told the other, coming up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist.

Phil rolled his eyes this time, face slowly turning red, "Then don't ignore me," He whispered, dropping his face towards the ground.

Dan kissed the top of Phil's hair, rubbing his hipbone, "I would never ignore you, and you know it."

"Then don't do it," Phil muttered, putting his hands on top of Dan's.

Dan was tempted to roll his eyes. If Phil only knew actual real people problems. How him, and other people, had actual problems. "I won't," He whispered back, kissing the top of his head.

Phil struggled out of Dan's grip, leaving the room.

Dan sat at Phil's desk, putting his head in his hands. He sighed deeply, bitting the inside of his lip. He couldn't keep himself together for much longer, he knew he couldn't. His life had no meaning, no purpose. The only thing that made life worth living was Phil, and even he couldn't see how Dan was dead inside. How he was slowly killing himself.

Phil walked back into the room minutes later, finding Dan at his desk, "You okay?" He asked, walking to his closet.

"Hm?" Dan asked, coming out of his daze, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking," He responded, his voice unusually small.

Phil didn't seem to notice, and he just went on changing out of his clothes.

Dan put his head back in his hands for the moments that Phil wasn't looking at him. He closed his eyes, rubbing his temples slightly. He didn't know what to do. It's not like he could tell anybody. He didn't have a family, Phil didn't care, and he didn't have friends. He had always just dealt with everything himself. Now he didn't know if he could.

"Ready?" Phil asked a little while later, grabbing Dan's hand from beside him.

Dan nodded, squeezing Phil's hand as they left the house. He was sat beside Phil at some restaurant, messing with the bottom of his sleeves. Phil, however, was just staring into space, in his own little world. He didn't see how Dan was killing himself inside, he just saw the positive, the happy, in Dan's life. In all life.

All too soon, Dan and Phil were joined by Louise, Zoe, and Alfie.

Dan's gaze drifted to the ground, and he intended to keep it like that until their lunch was over. He intended to stay quiet, angry, intimidating until he could leave. That was his plan for most things apparently: School, apparently talking to new people. However, his plan worked for about two minutes.

"So, Dan," Louise said, causing Dan to glare at her. Nobody seemed to notice, "Why Phil?"

Dan shrugged in response, "Why not would be the better of questions," He responded, his voice harsh, the way he had intended for it to be.

Phil kicked him under the table, being the only one who seemed to notice Dan's choice of voice tone, "Play nice," He mouthed, trying to look stern.

Dan rolled his eyes, biting the inside of his lip again.

Phil's friends didn't seem to notice the little quarrel, and they just kept talking, "So," Zoe started next, "What have you done to be considered the school's bad boy? I've never really understood it."

Dan shrugged again, his eyes sharpening, "Just earned the title," He responded, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

Phil kicked Dan again, turning to glare at him.

Dan just shrugged, glaring back at him. Only, Dan's glare was much more intimidating than Phil's.

Phil reached over and took Dan's hand, earning little 'awes' from his friends, squeezing it as hard as he could.

Dan jumped in surprise, rolling his eyes at Phil. He took his hand back, going back to messing with the ends of his sleeves.

After that, Phil didn't let Dan answer any more questions. They ate, talked, laughed, and finally, they left.

"What the hell was that?" Phil growled when they were in his car.

Dan huffed, crossing his arms on his chest, "It was called being myself."

Phil rolled his eyes this time, "That's not you," He argued.

"You wouldn't know," Dan barked back, his voice sharp.

Phil raised his eyebrow, scoffing at the claim, "Excuse me?"

"Oh, yeah, everything's so great in Phil land," Dan started, "Phil can't see that some people's lives suck," He didn't know what was coming out of his mouth, but it was coming fast, "You're life has been perfect since day one, Phil. Mine's sucked since the day I was born. My parent's never cared. I was always the 'bad boy'. Nobody ever wanted to give me a chance, okay?" He was holding back tears he didn't know had appeared now, "Then you come along, and all you do is care. Your friends? They care apparently, it's just.. uncomfortable. It's new, I need time, but I don't get time. I get this instead. So, please forgive me for everything in my life sucking."

Phil was speechless. He reached over, took Dan's face in his hands, and kissed him. He kissed him deep, and he kissed him long, "I love you," He whispered for the first time. He looked into Dan's chocolate brown eyes, trying to find some kind of emotion. Instead, he just found tears.

Dan closed his eyes, trying not to cry. He didn't like to cry, it was a sign of weakness, Dan Howell didn't show weakness. He sealed his lips, trying to steady his breathing.

Phil just held Dan's face, rubbing his thumb over Dan's cheek, trying to help in any way he could.

"I love you too," Finally came the muffled response, causing Phil to kiss Dan again.

In the middle of a parking lot. A random parking lot, the darkness and the light finally found peace with each other. Peace that for those minutes seemed like it would last a lifetime. If only it was that easy.


	8. Chapter 8

That night, Dan laid in Phil's bed, staring at the ceiling above him. Even if he had spilled his soul to Phil, the other boy would still never understand everything in his life. He laid awake, thinking about everything in his life. All the bad, the few good things, everything. He knew he should go to sleep, after all he did have to go to school the next day, but he just couldn't. When he couldn't take it anymore, he tried to slowly get out of Phil's bed, but the other boy just grabbed ahold of him.

"Don't leave," Phil mumbled, probably still asleep, "You're warm."

Dan kissed Phil's forehead, "Shh," He whispered, "I'll be back," He managed to creep out of the bed, and eventually he found one of the bags he had brought. Whenever he was sure Phil was back asleep, he found one of the bottles he had brought, and he lifted the alcohol to his lips. Slowly, he tipped his head back, closing his eyes, as he let the liquid smoothly go down his throat. When he finally removed the bottle from his lips, he put the lid back on it, putting it back at the bottom of his bag. Was he proud of drinking to relieve his problems? No, but it was the only thing he felt he could do to ease everything away. He crawled back in bed with Phil, wrapping his arms around the other.

"Don't leave again," Phil whimpered, turning to press his face into Dan's chest.

Dan pulled Phil closer, keeping quiet. He just kissed the mob of black in front of him, and tried to close his eyes. He could hear Phil's soft snores as he himself tried to sleep.

Whenever the sun rose, and it was time to wake up, Dan groaned. He had managed to fall asleep for about thirty minutes, but other than that, he was running on nothing. Phil managed to get him out of bed, and eventually he did manage to get dressed.

Phil was ready before Dan, and he brought Dan a cup of coffee to drink while he was straightening his hair.

Dan accepted the drink with a kiss. As soon as he knew Phil was gone, he put a shot of vodka in it. Maybe that would make his day bearable.

It didn't.

They met up with Louise and Zoe before school, and Dan was all but asleep on Phil's shoulder.

"Dan," Phil whispered as the bell rang, "C'mon, Calculus."

Dan groaned, "No," He whined, "Not Calculus, sleep."

Phil laughed quietly as he stood, pulling Dan up with him, "Let's go, love, c'mon"

Dan managed to actually fall asleep in Calculus, but Phil did his best to write notes to help Dan understand what the assignment was about.

In science, they read from the book. Dan managed to catch a glimpse of himself in one of the girls' mirror, and he wanted to puke. He had heavy bags under his eyes, and his normally pale skin looked even lighter than normal. His eyes were bloodshot, and it was evident he hadn't slept at all.

At lunch, Dan laid across Phil's lap and fell asleep, Phil thinking nothing of it as he stroked the other's hair. The second half of the day went about as well as the first, except Dan managed to stay awake through most of his classes.

Whenever they arrived back at Phil's house, Dan almost immediately fell asleep on Phil's bed.

This Phil found peculiar. Dan would sleep all the time at school, but rarely would he ever take a nap right after school.

Phil did his homework at his desk while Dan slept, occasionally looking over at him. He knew something was wrong with Dan, but he didn't know how to approach the situation. He didn't want Dan to get mad at him and leave, but he didn't want Dan to be sad and asleep all of the time.

Whenever he finally did wake up, Dan found the room empty. He groaned, he had been hoping that Phil would have been in the room so he didn't have to go find him. However, he did go find him.

Phil was in the kitchen making dinner whenever Dan walked in, "Feel better?" He asked, not turning to look at him.

"I guess," Dan replied, his voice still gruff, "What are you making?"

"You'll see," Phil said, getting more ingredients out of one of the cupboards, "Are you okay?" He asked, voice soft.

Dan rolled his eyes, sitting on a stool, "I'm great, thanks for asking," He replied, trying to keep the sarcasm out of his voice.

"Don't lie to me," Phil warned, once again not looking at Dan, "I'm not stupid, y'know."

"I never said you were," Dan muttered, rubbing his eyes with the balls of his hands.

Phil kept his lips pressed in a tight line to keep from lashing out, "Okay," He whispered, going back to the food he was preparing.

The ate in near silence, Dan's hand on top of Phil's.

Dan cleaned the kitchen up while Phil showered, deciding he might as well start on his homework.

He got halfway through his Calculus whenever it hit him. Everything that had been happening for the last couple of months just hit him, and he stared blankly at the paper before getting up. He walked to where he kept his stash, and tipped the vodka back.

"What are you doing?" He heard the most familiar voice ask, and he dropped the bottle.

"Dan, what the hell?" Phil exclaimed as Dan backed up, desperation evident on his face, "Is this what's been wrong lately?" He asked, his voice small, "You could have just talked to me, I could have helped, I could have got you help, Dan."

"I don't need help," Dan replied, his voice breaking, "I'm fine, I don't need help," He repeated.

"Yes you do," Phil argued, tears starting to fill his eyes, "This isn't healthy, this isn't you."

Dan broke, "You don't know me, you know who you want me to be. You don't know the fire that's died inside of me. I fee dead anymore," He whispered, and then he ran. He reached the front door, Phil desperately calling his name from behind him, and Dan got out of that house. He ran, cut through yards, he didn't care, he just wanted to get away.

"I'm sorry," He whispered, tears flowing down his face. He didn't have much-his wallet and his phone- but it would be enough to get him through a couple of nights, it would be enough to get him far away.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey, y'all. Sorry these stories haven't been updated in literally forever, but i got dumped again recently and it sucks and my sadness would reflect in my writing and we don't want that. But i haven't given up on these stories yet, i promise.


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